mollymeek

Molly believes that she has stumbled upon the art of great governance and leadership. But she’s going to need everyone’s help to help her come up with more examples (from none other than the world’s most capable leaders) than she can provide below. Molly is very bimbotic, so her memory isn’t very good, especially when the examples seem countless. So if you can provide examples, please leave a comment.

There are probably a number of habits of Great Leaders that I shall attempt to place under my 3 tenets.

1. Talk big

Great leaders must have vision. It is not good vision that counts. Sometimes hallucinations work very well too. But what is most important is to announce your hallucinatory adventures to the people under your leadership.

You must be able to foresee the future—or at least create the myth that you are able to by speaking like a clairvoyant when you actually have a secret team of uncredited statisticians, economists and scholars doing the research for you—and say something unique about the present. How you say it is very important. The difference between a charismatic leader and an uninspiring leader lies in the ability to use language to generate an aura of mystique. Say something like, “We are entering the Stone Age” instead of a boring “Trust me, things are going very well”, which would sound like you are on your way to damnation for violating the ninth commandment one time too many.

Repetition is of utmost importance too. The best leaders in the world seem to be those who are able to make the same promise for decades, which is in turn predicated on the constant skillful deferment of the fulfillment of the promise. In other words, promise a gift. But do not give the gift for you will be rendered obsolete the moment the exchange is completed with a merciless “Thank you.” As you can see, the most highly paid political leaders (and therefore the best) have been promising things like openness, help for the poor, help for the middle-class, transparency, accountability, etc.

Of course, the paradox is that you cannot constantly promise to give something without giving anything. There is a way to deal with this problem. You can claim that the gift has already been given and promise to give an even better version of it. For example: “You want freedom? I give you freedom. . . . What? You want a different kind of freedom? OK, but you need to wait.” Another example: “I am accountable and transparent. I am accountable and transparent. I am accountable and transparent. I am accountable and transparent. I AM accountable and transparent . . . .” Or, “I’m a good leader” (X 100, 24/7); “This is a democratic and free country” (X100, 24/7). Repetition doesn’t make something come true, but it has the power to make people believe it is true. And you know that in the recipe of governance, faith gives you more mileage than truth, which is simply a dispensable ingredient.

2. Do it your way

Yes, contrary to popular belief, good governance is not a matter of doing what you are supposed to do or told to do. Good governance is a matter of doing what you think is best. When alternatives are proposed, you must know how to reject them. Be dismissive. Do not even attempt to explain why you are rejecting ideas. Just say, “. . . is not the solution” or “. . . is not the way to go”. Even when it comes to requests for you or your fellow leaders to step down, just be authoritatively dismissive and use the stock replies given. People will be convinced.

“Cut GST? That’s not the solution.” “Welfare? Minimum wage? That doesn’t solve the problem.” “Western democracy is not the way to go.” “Sack him? But he’s not the problem.”

One further step ingenious leaders take is to dismissive alternatives AND cleverly emphasize how good your own way is, even if it's pure fluff that's as useless as the alternatives provided for you. This is related to the art of self-mystification, but that should be left for another blog post. Say something that goes along the lines of “My solution is THE solution.” without explaining why.

Say, “Singapore has created a unique brand of tripartism that functions very well.”

Or, "To prevent retrenchment, we need employers to love their employees. But one cannot love to order, so we can't force employers to keep workers when employers want to retrench them.. But we can tell employers to love their employees by moulding employees into the perfect worker who will not form unions against their employers." Again, you are the guru. Don’t bother to explain.

(Maybe I will give a prize for the first person to spot the quote that is actually lifted from what a politician says.) 

3. Side with your followers

This is the trickiest. Initially, it might seem to contradict the first two rules, but rest assured that it doesn’t. Perhaps Molly should qualify the rule: Appear to side with your followers at your convenience.

It is clear that your followers have to think that you are on their side. Otherwise, even the stupidest follower will not follow you. So even though you might not always be on their side, it is imperative to give the impression that you are. Bimbos and himbos, the parable of the husband who wanted a few concubines:

There was once a husband who grew tired of his wife and was afraid that she would become too domineering over time. He decided to kill two birds with one stone by having a few concubines. His wife initially objected, but he told tell her, “But I assure you, you will always be the First.” He also said, “They will help you manage the household and lighten your burdens” even though he was thinking, “They give better sex and with them to threaten your position in the household, you will behave yourself.” The wife agreed. She had to.

If you are aspiring to be a great political leader, don’t forget Molly’s 3 Tenets of Great Governance. Molly’s simple tips could help you earn up to a few million dollars a year.

Provided that you are in the right country, with the right people, of course.